The economy has gone sour because of so many factors, including the credit meltdown, the record oil prices, a dollar that is worth close to half what it was a few years ago, and a huge budget deficit.
But don't you worry, my fellow Americans. The government will have the perfect solution. We heard no specifics yet, but in general it will be some form of a giveaway of billions of dollars for you to spend on anything that you want.
Just make sure to spend it fast. It does not matter if you do not need anything, this is a good time to be innovative. What a brilliant plan.
The country has become unified -- Democrats and Republicans, president and Congress -- behind this ingenious plan. The idea is to make you feel stimulated, and what a better way than a $500 check?
Make sure to spend it on buying foreign-made clothes, toys, food, etc. You can also use it as a down payment for your new gas guzzler. Please make sure while spending this money to stock up on some essential items including pain relief pills and anti-depressants to help you cope with the aftermath of the fiscal stimulation plan.
Some of us may have thought of less ingenious plans that involve asking people to conserve on gas consumption, to live within their means, to inject this stimulus money into meaningful projects that can create jobs and leave something to show for the money spent.
Some of us may have allocated this money to better prepare our teachers or on innovative research that goes beyond innovative spending, but what do we know? The government knows what is best for us. We need a Band-Aid and we need it now. We will worry about the future in the future.
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